1. Tell Brett Favre he just won the Super Bowl. Considering he now looks like he is about 60 yrs. old, it is safe to assume that he probably doesn't have the "daggone interweb" or any other connections with reality. Pop in a tape of Super Bowl XXXI and tell him he just beat the Tom Brady AND Randy Moss. We can even hold a fake press conference wear a teary-eyed Favre can (finally) announce his retirement.
2. Unsuspend Pacman Jones, hire Flava Flav as his agent, and make it a VH1 reality dating series. Either that or he MUST play for the Bengals.
3. Accuse Michael Vick of random things while Vegas puts odds on whether or not he actually did said things. Currently they are giving 2- 1 that he is the kingpin behind a human trafficking ring that sponsors"human cockfights". I'm not taking that action.
4. Kick the Patriots out of the league, or suspend Belichick indefinitely and appoint Art Shell as their all-time head coach.
5. Change Rex Grossman's first name to "Onmyface" so we can inevitably hear this dialogue:
John Madden: "When are they going to sit Onmyface and give someone else a shot?"
Pat Summerall: "I have been waiting for them to sit Onmyface for a year now"
6. Change the All-Star game to "shirts vs. skins." I have three words for you- "Larry Allen Topless"
7. The Chargers have to wear the baby blue throwback jerseys at all times (not joking, we really want this). This includes post-game interviews, trips to the grocery stores, and any time they are "making relations" with their groupies wives. On a related note, the Broncos need new jerseys altogether.
8. Get Hooked on Phonics for Shannon Sharpe and have him compete with a second grader to see who can pronounce Hippopotamus first. We have money on the second grader and Vegas has the money line at -500 that Sharpe says "Hip Hop Anonymous"
9. Install a self-serve deli on the Giants sideline with a hidden camera and keep track of how many times Jared Lorenzen makes pastrami sandwiches.
10. Put John Madden in the booth for a baseball game, just to see if he notices.
*We at HBC would like to thank our good friend Chuck "Diesel/Danzasmack" Danielsson for his wittiness on this post*
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